Amy Schumer Will Tell You What to Think (And You Must Comply)


What can I say about @AmySchumer? Only what I have said so often before: Feminism Is a Totalitarian Movement to Destroy Civilization as We Know It, and the kind of “humor” that emerges from a totalitarian death cult is Amy Schumer’s stock in trade. She is the 21st-century heiress to the caustic legacy of Roseanne Barr, Rosie O’Donnell, Janeane Garofalo and Margaret Cho. Schumer arguably has great talent as a clown, but her stock-in-trade is the expression of resentment, which makes her hugely popular with women who share a similarly resentful attitude. If you’re my age — 56, and old enough to remember the Great Standup Comic Cable TV Bonzanza of the 1980s — you’ve seen this act before. There is a familiarity to Schumer’s deliberately vulgar routine (“We are whores. . . . I’ve taken the morning-after pill the night before”) and yet you may not recognize where this style comes from.

Basically, she is a feminist version of Andrew Dice Clay. “Feminist humor” is merely a reversal of that over-the-top sexist act, a type of humor that male comedians are no longer allowed to employ.

This is why so many young guys (and by “young,” I mean, under 40) react to the strictures of political correctness as badly as they do. Young guys have grown up in a world where so much is off-limits — sexist, racist, homophobic or otherwise “offensive” — that they feel like they’re cornered and under surveillance by the Thought Police. And so they delight in saying Things You Are Not Supposed to Say, an atavistic impulse. Look, I have never in my life felt the need to hurl certain slurs at women. There are some words (hint: starting with “C”) that you simply do not say, certainly not if you wish to take the high ground in opposition to feminists. Nor do you score any points for the cause of heteronormative patriarchy if your stock response to a feminist’s argument is to call her fat, ugly and “unf–kable.” Even if a feminist looks like John Goodman in drag, you probably don’t want to be the guy to point this out.


Amy Schumer Breaks Down in Tears
Over Body Image: “It’s Been
a Struggle My Whole Life”

Permit me to explain, to any clueless young men who might read this, that women are keenly aware that they are judged by their looks. Whether she is thin or fat, pretty or plain, there is no such thing as a woman who is not conscious of her own appearance, and who does not have some general sense of where she ranks in the hierarchy of attractiveness.

A reasonably good-looking woman, by the time she’s 18 or 19, knows exactly why the guy she meets at a party or in a bar is so eager to talk to her. And here is your cosmic thunderbolt of eternal truth, young man:Women are extremely judgmental.

Trust me when I tell you this, young man. Do not ever imagine that you can evade a woman’s radar in terms of what she wants.

One way to be a loser is to waste your time trying to overcome a woman’s instantaneous default “no.” You could spend years arguing with losers on pickup artist (PUA) forums about tactics, but you are never going to change human nature. Every woman’s default response is “no,” and if you can’t cope with rejection — if you don’t learn to walk away the minute she signals disinterest — you are squandering valuable time and energy.

Some guys (the upper 10% or 15% of overall attractiveness) can score reliably enough in almost any pickup scenario that they don’t really need “tactics” at all. What the rest of you fellows must learn is to stop wasting time trying to convert a “no” to a “yes,” or brooding over your failures.

Guys, if you’re at a frat party, when you approach a girl, understand this: She has sized you up — evaluating you in terms of your desirability — before you even say a word to her. Therefore, if her response to your opening line is not a total green-light reaction, take it in stride and move on. Just remember there are 3.5 billion women on this planet.

Maintain your cool, young man. Don’t flip out, don’t get angry, and don’t let yourself become demoralized by the fact that this girl shot you down. Just keep on blowing down the road, Mister Breeze.

Women are extremely judgmental, as I say, and once you figure that out, every variety of nonsensical feminist whining about “objectification” and “beauty standards” is exposed as rank hypocrisy. But I digress . . .

Amy Schumer is allowed to get away with doing the kind of vulgar sexual humor that might destroy a male comedian’s career nowadays. It was hilarous, back in the day, the first time I saw female stand-up comics “working blue,” as they say. The novelty factor has long since worn off, however, and what we increasingly see is women using sexual “humor” to score political points, rather than actually entertaining anyone who isn’t down for the feminist agenda. Now we must pay attention to this:


Amy Schumer has scolded “The Bachelor” host Chris Harrison for calling a contestant “complicated,” as if it’s a negative characteristic of a woman.
“There is nothing wrong with ‘complicated’ women Chris Harrison,” Schumer tweeted. “You treated it like something she should fight. A women shouldn’t try to be less complicated so as to hopefully attract a man. And she shouldn’t find value in herself just because a dude liked her. Come on bro.”
On Monday night, the show’s “Women Tell All” special aired, where past contestants from the current season come together to discuss what went wrong and get one last opportunity to tell the bachelor (this year, it’s Ben Higgins) what is on their minds. One contestant, Jubilee Sharpe, told Harrison that Higgins didn’t see her “complicated past as a huge obstacle,” to which Harrison called her complicated twice.
“I know you can’t control how complicated you are,” he told Sharpe. “You might be complicated, and I know you stir the pot sometimes, but I hope you realize you’re a pretty special woman, and I really appreciate you coming here and opening up the way you did.”


See? Amy Schumer is playing Thought Police here. While I make a point of avoiding toxic “reality TV” garbage like The Bachelor, and really don’t want to discuss that phony drama, Harrison wasn’t saying anything offensive. And pardon me for disagreeing with Ms. Schumer in her role as Commissar of Feminist Thought Police, but men are entitled to their own opinions about the traits they like or dislike in women.

Lecturing men that there’s “nothing wrong with ‘complicated’ women” may make Amy Schumer feel good about herself, and a thousand of her fans can show their agreement by retweeting her lecture, but that is not going to improve Jubilee Sharpe’s prospects for marital success. For all I know, maybe Jubilee Sharpe will make some lucky guy a wonderful wife, but when a woman speaks of herself as having a “complicated past,” couldn’t this be viewed as a flashing caution light for any guy evaluating her as a potential bride? Marriage is a high-stakes game, and it is best for a man to be careful in assessing his selection.


Why do you suppose 34-year-old Amy Schumer has never been married? Perhaps, like feminists generally, Ms. Schumer is against marriage.

“Marriage means rape and lifelong slavery,” Ti-Grace Atkinson declared, and her comrade Sheila Cronan called marriage “cruel and inhumane.”One could cite many more examples of feminists denouncing marriage as a prison, an institution in which women are oppressed by male supremacy, and so it would be insulting to any woman who calls herself a “feminist” to presume she has ever had any desire to marry a man.

Isn’t it also true, however, that Amy Schumer is “complicated”? This is the case with most feminists, really. They are “complicated,” they have “issues,” and their political agenda is transparently a matter of rationalizing their grievances and justifying their resentments.

This is not to say that Amy Schumer (or any other feminist) does not have actual reasons to be resentful. The problem with feminism, as with any other radical egalitarian ideology, is that rearranging the world to fit a political agenda is a poor substitute for dealing with your own problems as an individual. The Commissar of the Thought Police may think she is “empowering” women by unleashing her wrath against a TV personality who says something she considers offensive. But does this typical example of feminist bullying tactics actually help anyone?

Jubilee Sharpe says she has a “complicated past” — an orphan from Haiti adopted by an American couple — which she doesn’t think will be a “huge obstacle” to finding true love in the future. Who knows whether she is right or wrong? But why scold Chris Harrison for repeating the word she used to describe herself? It’s a TV show! It’s entertainment!

Is it really necessary — is it helpful to anyone — to turn a silly TV show into a Gender Studies seminar? And why is it wrong for Chris Harrison to imply (not that he actually said this) that “complicated” women are viewed negatively by men who are looking for wives? Is it not true that Jubilee Sharpe was involved in a lot of conflicts with her fellow contestants on the show? Isn’t this the sort of “complicated” behavior that guys want to watch out for when they’re assessing women? No matter how good-looking a woman is, do you want to get seriously involved with her if she doesn’t “play well with others”? This is just common sense.

Here’s some more common sense: Why is a tall, handsome, athletic, successful guy still a bachelor at age 26? A guy like that, you’d figure, he would already be married, or at least in a serious relationship. Do you think Ben Higgins might have a “complicated past,” too? “We dated for a year and a half before I broke up with him,” his ex-girlfriend told The Starlast year, and here’s a story saying Ben and his ex-girlfriend are still buddies, despite his engagement to Lauren Bushnell, the lucky “winner” of the Bachelor show. What’s the deal there, huh? What do you think the odds are that Ben and Lauren are going to be “happily ever after”?

A cynical attitude toward “reality TV” romance is certainly appropriate. You live long enough, you become cynical about a lot of things, including any woman who calls herself a “feminist.” Let the young man beware:Feminists hate you, and there is no point wasting your precious time on the kind of woman who likes to hang out with Gloria Steinem.


There are two kinds of feminists: Sluts with herpes and crazy lesbians. No, wait — three kinds, because some crazy lesbians have herpes, too.

Happy heterosexual women don’t need feminism. They actually like men. They don’t blame their personal problems on innocent men. Happy heterosexual women don’t sit around crying about their “body image” issues. They take responsibility for their own lives and solve their own problems. They don’t guzzle tequila at frat parties, pass out and wake up the next day with some dude whose clever line was, “Nice tattoo.” Whatever her problems or disadvantages in life may be, the happy heterosexual woman does not need ideology to rationalize her failures. She does not lash out at men as scapegoats for her resentments.

This is why the feminist is always either (a) unhappy or (b) not heterosexual. Young men should recall this advice:

Guys: Learn to take a hint. Learn to walk away.
If a woman tells you she is a feminist, say nothing and walk away.
No feminist wants to hear what a man has to say, and life is too short to waste your time taking to feminists. Just walk away.
Leave feminists alone, and then they can complain about that.

Honestly, guys, you never want to be Inside Amy Schumer.


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