In Praise Of The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders


1. No Fat Chicks

“Fat Acceptance” is not in the vocabulary of professional cheerleading, and the DCC organization is certainly no exception. Having a very aesthetically appealing body weight is a vital component of any woman hoping to make the cut as one of these cheerleaders. Furthermore, maintaining that weight is equally important for staying on the squad during their tenure.

For the pen-pushers behind the scenes, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are, first and foremost, a business. Therefore, it is absolutely imperative that the cheerleaders hang very close to the sweet spot on the body mass index (BMI) in order for them to have a successful business model.

Financially lucrative appearance fees would nosedive, and sales of DCC calendars and other photo spreads would tumble, if they suddenly developed a reputation for letting a few chubby chicks slip through the ranks.

Furthermore, thirsty beta males pay good money at a Dallas game to watch slender and fit females gyrating on the sidelines as an amusing sideshow. If they wanted to cast their eyes on land whales, they can just head on over to the local Walmart. Or better yet, it’sTexas after all. Land whales are everywhere.


2. High Standards Of Grooming And Appearance

The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders organization does not have the time, the tolerance, or even the desire to accommodate the vast array of degenerate 21st century “fashion” trends into their ranks.

We’re talking NO visible tattoos, NO (visible) piercings, and NO unnatural hair colors.

While there is no specific requirement against short hair, few wind up making it onto the squad in any given year. A woman who is damaged enough to want to cut her hair short probably wouldn’t pass the tattoo requirement anyway.

Sorry, but any and every tattooed, pierced, and purple-haired yoga instructor can fuck off back to the state capital where they belong. Austin likes to “keep it weird” after all. The DCC demands classy women, and classy women is what they get. Observe.


3. They Demand (Some) Worthy Talents

Young women in the United States are growing up with absolutely no personal talents or skills. That is, unless you count speed-texting on a smartphone while being a “good driver” in their daddy’s sports utility vehicle as a distinct female talent.

Once upon a time, a mark of stature for a woman was to be at least one of:

1. An exceptional cook or home chef

2. A talented player of a classical instrument

3. Well-versed in French or Latin

4. An experienced ballroom dancer

Or at least something that took some extensive practice and repetition in order to achieve competency. Young women in the United States (and to be fair a lot of young men too) cannot do any of these things anymore. The “smartphone undertow” is clearly taking it’s toll on the younger millennials, as the following video demonstrates.

“Miss New York” Kira Kazantsev, a 23-year-old Manhattan native (as of September 2014), decided that a stupid frat party game involving the flipping of a plastic red cup was a solid first-rate choice for the “Miss America” talent competition last year. And guess what….. she still won!


If that’s how Ms. Kazantsev feels, sometimes I wonder if we are well and truly done for as a nation…

Thankfully, the DCC demands some visually appealing talents that, when put on public display, don’t add up to being a national embarrassment.

Most professional cheerleaders have many years of experience in various dance styles, and their training probably did not include “twerking.” Jazz dance and improvisational skills are particularly desirable, and the results certainly trump cup-spinning any day.


4. They Are Not Social Justice Pawns

Last, but certainly not least, the DCC are not used as figureheads to promote bogus social justice warrior campaigns which have a distinct anti-male slant to them. There is no raising “awareness” of “rape culture”, encouraging women to “lean in” more because they are being “oppressed” by male colleagues, or whining about women earning only “77 cents on the dollar” for the same labor exerted by a man.

In fact, professional cheerleaders are paid garbage wages but they still sign up for the gig in droves. There is really a lot to say about that, especially when they are only competing for placement against other women.

On occasion, they do get involved in “awareness” campaigns for breast cancer and other problems of female biology, but at least those are legitimate issues (unlike “rape culture”). Still, their primary objective is to provide entertainment for the fans and the troops, and they mostly stay true to that.